“…troztdem Ja zum Leben sagen!”, Viktor Frankl
How often we tell ourselves and others: “I do not know what to do, how to act.” The injured part of our Ego blocks our actions, protecting us from possible disappointments and failures. It is important to understand that there is nothing bad in the Ego, if it is not hypertrophied.
Our Ego protected us in childhood from the injustice of the outside world. Psychologists know that most stereotypes of behavior in adulthood are determined by experienced childhood trauma. We are dependent on decisions that we made as children. But at some point, the adult part of our personality always faces the choice between happiness and inner freedom, which our soul is waiting for, and sitting on the roadside of our life, nurturing children’s grievances, offense and fears, betraying our true Self. We make this choice every day of our lives. In thoughts, in emotions, in daily actions. Experiencing negative emotions, we make negative decisions. Negative decisions lead to negative results. And here we are closed in the “hell circle” of our lives. We repeat the same mistakes, stepping on the same rake over and over again. To break the vicious cycle of repeated failures, you can try to go through seven steps that will help you fix the choice to be happy on a subconscious level.
Step 1: Understand your negative and harmful beliefs.
These are beliefs, prescriptions and prohibitions of our parents, which we adopted as a child. Grandparents, aunts and uncles, husbands and wives also contribute to this list at different stages of our life. So, write on a piece of paper your negative thoughts about yourself, people and the world. Repeat this exercise and write out the negative statements of close people about you, other people and the world. Congratulations, the first step towards a happy life has been taken.
Step 2: Reformulate negative beliefs in a positive way.
Our brain does not perceive the particle “not”, therefore, when formulating positive attitudes, it is important to avoid it. It is also worth replacing negative words by words with a positive meaning. For example, replace “I am thin” with the statement “I am slim”. It is important to cross out every phrase with a negative beliefe on paper and write it again in a new positive version by your own hand.
Step 3: Forgive and accept yourself.
Repeat the resulting affirmations in the morning for a month. It is worth starting with phrases that do not cause rejection or doubt. It is useful to do this in front of a mirror. At this stage, we teach our brain to forgive and accept ourselves. A month is usually enough to create new stable neural connections, that our positive thoughts can go into the subconscious. I like to finish this exercise with the phrase of Louise Hay: “I love and accept you for who you are. What can I do for you today? ”
Step 4: Forgive and accept your close people who, voluntarily or involuntarily, caused you harm.
For many of us, this is the most difficult task. At this step, it is important to explore the past of your family. Through understanding, through the realization that our parents themselves are victims of their parents or life circumstances, it is easier for us to accept and forgive them. As a rule, the understanding and forgiveness of loved ones gives us a huge relief and restores our energy. If you don’t go through this step yourself, my advice is to stop and work with a qualified therapist, who fits for you. I love the quick effect, so I prefer working with codes and Bert Hellinger’s system constellations. Having passed this stage, you are ready for the fifth step.
Step 5: Recover your energy.
We have been spending energy for years on old grievances and destructive relationships. It is important to get rid of harmful thoughts, but even more important to understand what gives us energy. For me, this is a full-fledged sleep, early awake, Chopin’s music, pure water, mint tea, hot showers, balanced food, yoga, meditation. Make your own list of energizers and inbuilt them in your daily routine. Do not forget to cross out bad habits and toxic people in your environment.
Step 6: Formulate new goals.
When we realized that we deserve love and respect, that we always did the best at the level of experience and knowledge that we had, we are ready to go further. To begin, evaluate your life in five areas: health (body, mind), family (partners, children, parents), communication (social, professional, business), finance (job, business, investment), knowledge (education, languages, skills, etc.). When you realize where you are, answer the following questions:
What do I want to have? Why do I need this? What is my uniqueness? What do I need to know and learn? Who should I interact with? What should I do? What prevents me to move? How do I understand that I have achieved my goal? How would I feel, when I achieved my goal?
Step 7: Test your goals for value and meaning.
Write the answers to the questions above on A4 paper. Fined a convenient place in a room and put the sheets on the floor at a distance of one step from each other. You should have a smooth sheet path from your place in room into the direction of an imaginary goal in the following sequence: environment (what is my new environment?), actions (what should I do?), knowledge (what should I know?), identity (what is my uniqueness, my mission? ), values (why do I need all this?), vision (what do I really want to have?), symbols (what image, smell, taste and sound of my goal?).
Standing on each sheet, answer these questions and notice your feelings. Then go this way in reverse order, asking the same questions. Feel how sensations change, how after enrichment with higher sense, vision have been changed your identity, environment, knowledge, actions.
From now, the image with which you have linked your goal will initiate in your brain chains of neurological connections, that your subconscious understands.
This method is based on the pyramid of neurological levels of Robert Dilts. It opens the way to our unconscious world, establishes a dialogue between the conscious and unconscious parts of the brain.
I wish you good luck in working on yourself and the courage in you chose to be happy. Still say your life — “Yes!”.